10 September 2007

Declaring a Boundary

I think this topic merits its own post. I don't want to be lengthy; I'm not going to quote Scripture, regurgitate the Catechism, justify myself, or list all the questions I've asked and answered already.

Allow me to thank you corporately for your responses to my previous post. I mean it sincerely when I say I trust each one is moved by a sincere and loving heart.

Please know this: not a question has been asked here or a thought shared here that I have not already encountered; there has not been a concern addressed that has not already been on my radar. I realize that those reading this blog are being exposed to this from me for the first time, so I understand the surprise and concern.

I have been undertaking this study for several weeks now, looking at both sides and doing my best to ensure I am approaching this in as balanced a manner as possible. If you could have known the tears, the fervent prayers, the journal entries, you would know that I have not approached this lightly. I pursue it still, not because I'm trying to force myself to fit a mold to satisfy any other human being, but because what I have learned thus far has inspired me to continue on this path. I find myself compelled to continue.

I love sharing what I'm learning with people. I love pursuing knowledge in new areas that spark my interest and right now, this is a huge one. Through studying this branch of the Christian faith and meeting those who practice it, I have found much of the knowledge I thought I possessed in this regard to be no knowledge at all. Much of what I believed to be true was rubbish.

I came to the conclusion today that my openness and eagerness to share is not serving me well here. I have invited far too many voices into the conversation, and while a part of me loves the discussion, I find that much of it is making me weary and dividing my attention in too many ways.

I do believe it is a worthwhile endeavor to pursue these questions and to find the best possible answers to them, regardless of whether it means I end up where I started, or that what I learn demands a significant change in how I practice my faith.

While interest was sparked by a very specific person, I am pursuing this now on its own merit. If he decided tomorrow that he was going to drop me like a hot potato, I've learned enough to know that I could not just let the matter rest.

And so friends, I continue to covet your prayers. Offer them as you will. As for me, know that I'm still on this journey, still entreating God's wisdom and guidance, still asking questions. Still asking God to show me where I may be deficient in my faith (or in its practice). Still willing to hear that answer. But I need to limit the voices allowed into the conversation.

And so I ask friends, that you trust God with me, and that you trust me.


  1. Always here for you. Always support you. Always...no matter what! Love ya! (:

  2. totally understandable....and probably a wise decision. but know we all are here for you! :)

    and just have some fun, chicky! don't let this become a burden....you have all the time in the world. you should never rush courtship and things of the heart....

  3. Thanks, friends! I appreciate knowing that whether I've seen you in the flesh or not ... there is a kinship & genuine care going on here.

    Thank you, Blue Mountain Mama! We are having these serious discussions, but yeah ... having fun & not putting pressure on the now is definitely a priority for the both of us. I think it's become so huge because this is the first time either of us has been with someone for whom faith is so central. Neither of us wants to rush or force ANYTHING ... :o) So yes, thank you. I know I can count on you!!

  4. I getcha, girl, and totally respect that. I'm praying for God to guide you into His light and truth above all else, and for Him to continue doing the same for all of us.

  5. Good job - I was thinking about you last night and thinking how it must be reading all these responses and such, and how much work you are already going through personally with this.

    Love you dearly, and continue to pray for you - will let you know about any of my fun dates - haven't had any so far, but am in open communication with a few.

  6. Thank you, Christianne, so very much. Since I'm still very much in the exploration phase of this, perhaps it was just too early for me to share. I just love being surprised the way I am, and how the hand of God is completely in it. Hard to keep quiet about that. :o)

    Ilse -- it is true. Reading through responses was getting exhausting. What made it more difficult for me was knowing that every word came from a caring, concerned, and loving heart.

    Valid points were raised, but like I said, everything I was reading was something I had asked and answered for myself over the course of the last month. I realized I was feeling defensive and really, I don't need to be. I take responsibility for opening the door and I know everyone here just cares about me. But yeah ... this process is precious enough that I realized I do need to guard it, guard my heart, and limit the amount of people I invite along with me! :o)

    I look forward to hearing how continuing the eHarmony process goes for you & definitely want to hear any and all crazy date stories!!

  7. You know, I was wondering this. And now you've said it. And, yes, it is good.

  8. A wise person told me once that most journeys are by lamp-light: you can only see the next step when you take the first.

    Here's to your step-by-step journey, Kirsten!

    Be encouraged!

  9. Thank you, LL and 23 Degrees. I am encouraged. And I am learning.

    Thank you, thank you.

    I am so very blessed!!