05 August 2010

watch over me

watch over me by kirsten michelle (2010)

There aren't many words to my prayers these days. I find myself sending wordless thoughts and images, requests, petitions for which I cannot find the language, confident that the meaning of these things will not be lost in translation -- that they are better communicated as they are. No words. Just the pulses and surges of heart and soul.

So many unknowns looming in front of us: Ewan's heart. The lack of prospects (still -- after more than a year of looking) for James finding a job here. Given that, not knowing how soon after the birth I will need to return to work so we can make ends meet. These mysteries will break my heart if I let them.

Breathe. Trust. Pray.

Watch over me. Please, watch over me.

11 comments:

  1. Breathe.Trust.Pray. repeate over and over.
    there is a plan, there is a reason, you cannot control the uncontrolable.
    Breathe.Trust.Pray. repeate over and over.

    hugs sweet mama, hugs

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  2. You're so strong and wise honey! Trust me, I've had my days these past couple years. Some days I do better than others, but many I'm ready to fall apart. On top of regular life issues you're dealing with putting all your trust in GOD with Ewan's heart...I admire your strength! Keep doing what you're doing! Hugs mamma! <3

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  3. the prayer of the empty. I know He hears. He is near. He is enough.

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  4. Such a good way to pray - letting the Holy Spirit have the words when you don't have them. I'm praying specifically for a job for James - I know that's hard!

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  6. mmm... I so get the wordless prayers thing... it seems to shape my prayer life consistently... prayers with little thoughts and actions and symbols and cups of tea... for people the items remind me of, and for the things in my own heart that words just can't be found for...

    praying for and with you!

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  7. I love what the others here have said. Not much more to add... As we've traveled this road we're on, I've gone back many times to a couple of verses in Romans. Specifically, 8:18, and 8:26-30. But especially 8:26.

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  8. I don't know how I missed the news about Ewan's heart, but now that I know, I just want to wrap you up in hugs. I know that from a parental standpoint it can be so difficult to see the light in something like that, but a good friend of ours has a son blessed with a rare heart defect too - and honestly, I think they appreciate him more than most. So hold on tight and keep breathing in deep; things will all work out. Things like going back to work might seem like it hurts, but just remember: in so doing, you are fulfilling your son's needs. Nothing that is good for him should break your heart. You'll still be his mother, you'll still spend time with him, you'll still love him beyond all measure, and he'll still know that.

    I wish there were something I could say to make everything better, to ease your fears and calm your worries, but I can't, so in lieu of anything groundbreaking, just know I'm sending lots of love to Ewan and lots of warm fuzzies to you and James!

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  9. Gorgeous photograph, dear mama.

    I will be keeping you guys in prayer!

    "The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him" (Nahum 1:7)

    Psalms 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him."

    Lamentations 3:25 "The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him."

    Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."

    Love to you xo

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  10. I love this photo Kirsten.

    I love how with brevity and elegance you are able to move me to a place of profound awe.
    Both for your faith, and for how it strengthens mine.

    I pray for you always.

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