As I write this, I think of how it's just the kind of day here that you say you love: overcast and cloudy, raindrops pelting the pavement, forming ankle-deep puddles in the landscape outside my window. It's an introspective kind of day and I wanted to share some things with you.
I suppose it's natural that as this year draws to a close, that I pause to look over my shoulder and remember what has been. 2007 has been full for me: two break-ups, a completely funky and undiagnosed stomach condition, a new job, a new house, having my dreams for writing come to the fore, and cutting this brush through the wilds of faith. I think of how our Yahweh brought us together again after years of not seeing one another and how what we have now is deep and amazing and baffling and so full of love and higher things. I have been considering what all these big changes and transitions are in my life, and I can't help but think of how instrumental you have been in helping me move through them: you have been loving, available, and walked beside me even though neither of us understood. Your heart journeyed closely beside my own somehow, mysteriously but unmistakably across the miles. You invited me to walk beside you too, a privilege that is not lost on me. I am honored to have a place beside you, to be witness to the grace and mercy and love that is unfolding and blooming so beautifully in your own heart. How this all happened I can't really know, except that your being here made the going better and kept me moving when I was most in danger of losing steam.
I can't help but think that had it not been for your presence, your ability to be a vessel for Christ, that all those things would have me assuming a fetal position some days, utterly overwhelmed and cowering under the covers, losing hope and faith and lessons and the grace that was mysteriously lavished on me through it all. Watching you helped me to give my own heart and mind and messiness to God with open hands, trusting with the smallest measure of faith that He'd bring something out of it. And now He's truly given me beauty for ashes. Because I've seen God give us abundantly more than we could ever ask or dream or imagine in return for what pathetic little offerings we give to Him, I believe with greater certainty than ever that He truly has us at the center of His heart. It is all too magnificent to comprehend, and this is only a shadow of what we look forward to. I'm in utter marvel!!
You friendship was a buoy when I felt otherwise lost at sea. I know you also encountered plenty over the past year that must have made you feel this way, too. If we had to feel shipwrecked, I'm glad we were together in it, trusting that we'd be swept home by heaven-sent currents.
God is great, my friend. So great. And I just wanted to let you know that you have a lot to do with the fact that I know that for sure.