09 February 2010

in which she shares random thoughts on her first pregnancy

Today is the six week mark. I'm walking through experiences millions of women have experienced over the course of thousands of years. I know I have nothing new to add to the conversation, but now it is personal and so of course, I have some thoughts which may amount to a sum total of little to no value. If you're curious, feel free to read on.

138/365: {bench monday} information overload

Random Thought #1
I thought I got a lot of unsolicited advice when I was getting married. The volume of advice I've received over the past two weeks leaves my piddly little pile of wedding advice in the dust.

Random Thought #2
Though unsolicited, most of this advice is useful and welcome. I don't have a clue what I'm doing.

Random Thought #3
I had no idea I would see certain physical changes so rapidly. I don't need stretchy pants yet, but I will almost certainly need a new bra soon.

Random Thought #4
Hello, information overload. There are approximately one gazillion books out there on pregnancy and birthing. Though I haven't seen even a small percentage of them, I'm also convinced that there are approximately 4.5 gazillion websites on the same topic, with the added bonus of member forums. This is interesting (as in, never heard of that before!), aggravating (as in, those symptoms could be soooo many other things), and sometimes entertaining (as in, no comment).

Random Thought #5
I never in a million years would have thought it was possible to find coffee and/or wine repulsive. Before I became pregnant, I was actually worried about giving them up and how difficult it would be. But it's true: those things sound gross to me and it makes my neurons fry a little to see it written out in black and white. Just the thought of either kind of activates my gag reflex a little. Eww.

Random Thought #6
Morning sickness is a good sign, apparently. Today I read: "Studies show that women with morning sickness are less likely to miscarry or deliver prematurely." I will try and remember that the next several mornings as I direct all the powers of my will toward making sure my breakfast does not make a northward journey.

Random Thought #7
I never thought it was possible to sleep this much. I've never been much of a napper, and I've never been able to sleep in the car ... until now, at least. Case in point, last Friday. We drove to Bellingham to visit my family for the weekend. I slept (I mean, I really slept) in the car for an hour on the way. After we got there, I had another half hour nap. After dinner, another two hours. And then ten hours of sleep that night. Holy moly, I am a world-champion sleeper!!

Random Thought #8
This one, a bit more serious. It's hard not to think about abortion at this point and all the little ones who don't see the light of day. I don't want to get political and the purpose is not to incite debate. I certainly do not judge anyone in this regard. But I do have some rather personal thoughts on the matter and since it's my blog, I am going to share them.

This is what I know: Little Bean (at just 6 weeks) has a beating heart and though miniature, an entirely functional circulatory system. S/he has a brain and nervous system and this week, is sensible enough to be able to respond to stimuli. S/he has unique DNA. In other words, the wee embryo that some might refer to as a blob of tissue has a heart, a brain, a nervous system. These things aren't mine, that much is clear to me (believe me, I'm not any smarter even though I have another brain inside me). I am a steward and a host to this wee soul, to this growing, developing, and entirely vulnerable little body. And I want to be a good one.

I love you, Little Bean.


  1. "I'm walking through experiences millions of women have experienced over the course of thousands of years."

    Yes... But you are also experiencing what one very special mother did when the savior grew within her. It is not insignificant what you are experiencing and feeling. And "Little Bean" was picked just for you. Sure, you'll be able to identify with thousands of books, web sites, and women. But YOU are this baby's mother. And that is so beautiful.

    What a lucky Little Bean.

    What a love.

  2. *teary eyes*

    Such beautiful words about your little one. Pregnancy is so so exciting. :) Enjoy!

  3. Wow, this was a beautiful post. I always love hearing from you in this space. I liked the combination of quirkiness (fun, random thoughts in a row) and seriousness.

    Even though I've not experienced what you are now experiencing -- and perhaps especially because I've not -- reading your words here about the journey thus far makes me feel a bit closer to understanding what it is like, to the degree I am able to understand without having been there myself.

    For that, I am thankful for every random morsel you care to share. It all helps me know you better, which is one of the great joys in my life. :)

  4. I am a friend of Jen and Gary H. I discovered your blog via their blog. I am 25 weeks preggie myself. You're lucky that today I can't remember all the things I thought I should remember to tell a recently pregnant person that I wish someone had told me... ;) Blessings as your unique experience.

  5. Little Bean, huh? Dave called ours "Poppy" for quite a while (because when we found out I was pregnant, she was the size of a poppy seed).

    Also, love the Tums in the pic. I think I kept them in business when I was pregnant.

    I love hearing your thoughts from this time and space. I felt the same about abortion, by the way . . . the thought of it totally blew me away at that point.

    Blessings to you and James and The Bean.

  6. :):):) I am brimming!!!!
    Congrats lovely lady!!
    Wow...how lovely and beautiful and exciting..

    ..I hope your baby gets your gorgeous locks!!

    Love those books you're digging into..

    So excited to be following this new journey of yours


  7. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, everyone!! I came down with a sudden headcold and couldn't stand to be near the computer.

    It's so, so good to hear you say these things. Sometimes I imagine my journey to be so prosaic, but I need to remember what you said: that this one is unique, that Little Bean was chosen for us. It is so, so good to hear.

    Thanks, Jodi!! We are very excited -- it still seems so surreal at this point.

    Thanks, friend. It is good to hear from you in this space. I've been trying to keep a journal of what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling so I can remember one day, perhaps saving that should Little Bean (or another) wonder and ask those kinds of questions. I love you, friend.

    There are so many things to remember, aren't there? Already, it seems like there have been a thousand things that (amazingly, given the number of friends I have who have been through this) I'm experiencing that I've never heard of before. It certainly keeps the journey interesting. :o)

    Amazing how small life starts out, isn't it? A poppy seed just after conception and I think ours is about 1/3" now -- not sure what kind of produce that compares to. And yeah, the abortion thing. I already feel so fierce and protective over this little life.

    Aw, thanks.

    @Abigail Jasmine
    Ah, thank you for the bright burst of joy and energy!! It is good to have that inserted and infused when the way I feel does not lend itself so much to bouts of ecstasy.

    And Daddy is hoping for a curly-headed little one, too!! We shall see what God will provide ...

  8. The "Birthing From Within" title cracks me up. From where else are you supposed to birth?

  9. guh i love that you are able to share all...
    i feel like i want to, i just don't even know how. like i'm keeping it all to myself. close. plus... i don't know how you're able to simply because oh.there's a bed. mmm.