Coming back.

I promised myself months ago, before the fireworks burst and fur-clad celebrities announced our transition from 2013 to 2014 in Times Square, that I was going to write again. And here we are at the end of January, these being my first words to be pounded out -- my first attempts at putting anything "out there."

Having a small child at home provides a ready excuse for avoidance, as well as the unending cycles of laundry and dishwasher loading and emptying and picking up bristle blocks and flashcards off of the floor.

I call it an "excuse" because it is. I consider motherhood and keeping the house running to be my first and most important work, but it isn't my only work. Writing is my work, too. And I've been running away from it as surely as Jonah ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction when God told him where to go, what to do.

I've been so afraid. I can see clearly how silly this is sometimes, but when I access a readily available catalog of blogging memories, I remember that the fear, however silly or wrong or restrictive and binding it may be, is not without reason.

When I first started blogging, I met new friends and reconnected with others. I made soul connections in what, at the time, felt like the most improbable way. Across geographic distances that would have made meeting any other way impossible, we had meaningful conversations. The internet felt like a great cozy living room or your favorite coffee shop -- the one with knobby wood floors, eclectic furniture, and tattooed baristas.

Somewhere in the course of my tenure as a blogger, my experience changed. While I maintained those meaningful connections, those cozy conversations with kindred friends, there were also those I could have done without. The critical stranger's voices, those that were only too happy to criticize and cut down, to lambaste and state assumptions about me as fact. Anonymous comments were cyber hit-and-runs, hateful words left without a face or name.

It didn't take much of this for the cozy living room to become a distant memory. The internet had come to feel more like a Roman arena where thousands of spectators crowded in and pressed forward, cheering as the victims du jour were ripped limb from bloody limb by the lions, the crowd cheering More, more. Please pass the popcorn.

I wanted no part of it.

I may share someday what has prompted my return. It's enough now to say that, for a thousand reasons, I know it's the right thing. I still see the arena and lions and crowd of spectators, and I still feel trepidation at volunteering myself like this. But I'm choosing not to let it chain me anymore. I've let loose the shackles, rubbing wrists that are reddened and raw and out of practice at doing this thing.

It's time to write again.

Breathe.



P.S. Jamie the Very Worst Missionary wrote about this recently, too and I may have shouted AMEN and fist-pumped at the end of it.

I'm Back!! {Lattes & Rainy Days Re-Launch Day}

Welcome!! (And welcome back!!)

Seeing as today is the 5 year anniversary for this blog, I thought it the perfect time to relaunch. I hope you'll take some time to look around and get familiar with the new surroundings. You will notice that not only does this space has a new look, but it has a new and clarified focus as well.

Because we're kicking off the blog again with a new look and feel and focus, I thought it only appropriate to tell you about these things on video. Here, I give you a brief history of the blog, why I'm relaunching it now (and why I'm doing it at a time when I'm pulling back a bit from posting as frequently on Team-Ewan.com), and what you can expect from me in this space.

(Please excuse the tired eyes and bad hair day.)
(And is that video frozen at an attractive moment in time, or what?!)




As I noted in the video, one of the biggest changes on the blog are the static pages you will see linked at the top of the blog. I've used these to provide a background and points of focus for readers who are coming back or those who are coming for the first time, as well as to keep those things clear in my own mind as I write and share in this space.

Here's a quick rundown of what's on each page:

Who She Is: A brief (well, depending on your understanding of "brief") description of my background, where I'm from, and high points of my story over the last several years. A good place to get an idea of who I am if you don't already have a context for that.

About the Blog: On this page, I talk about what the nature and focus of the blog is. This helps not only me in clarifying what I'll be posting here, but will (I hope) help anyone who comes here know whether or not this is a space they want to read and/or be involved in. I explain here what you can expect from me in terms of content and how frequently I expect to have new posts available.

Faith & Spirituality: Because my faith and spirituality are things that I consider to be central to who I am, and will comprise a good deal of the content that will be found on the blog, I spend some time on this page explaining my faith history and where I'm coming from now.

Reading List: Also known as, "Letting the Internet Know Just How Big a Nerd I Am." This is just what it sounds like: a list of books that I'm reading now, that I've read recently, and that I hope to read soon in the future. Right now it includes only non-fiction works, but may at some point in the future include some of my favorite fiction works on there as well.

Photography: Pretty self-explanatory! On this page, I speak to my photography and the role it plays in my blogging. For anyone who's interested in using one or more of my photos on their own blog or website, there are also instructions on how to contact me so we can discuss the details of that.

Other Venues: Other places where you can find me!

Feel free to take your time exploring. Leave a comment if you wish. I'm excited to be back here and look forward to meeting you here again soon!!