As a personal rule, I don't talk about my work in this space. But now, it's not just work. It is personal, and I can't discuss this without talking a bit about my job.
I learned a little over two weeks ago that my department is being relocated to our office in the greater Seattle area. You can check it on a map; it's not terribly far from where I live now -- roughly 100 miles. But it is away, nonetheless.
I was alternately frozen and shaking as they delivered the news and we were presented with a variety of options. This can't be happening. Within the first few days of hearing the news, I experienced an array of different emotions: anger, betrayal, excitement, hope, sadness, elation. One moment I was hopeful and ready to explore my options, and the next I was a puddle of tears. We learned in the change management workshop following the announcement that it was normal to zig-zag all over the emotional map. And so I gave a chance for the shock to wear off and just two days ago, made my decision official.
When friends and family initially heard the news, there were a variety of opinions expressed and solutions offered. Take the severance. Just get a new job. Time to start something new anyway. And I quickly understood that I didn't care to hear any of them -- this was my life and my decision -- one I had to make on my own.
This is not just a job for me; it's about the relationships I've developed over the past several years of working with some of the most highly-tenured and highly-skilled people in the company. I had to consider those relationships, the state of our economy, my benefits package, the job market in my current town (difficult even in healthy economic circumstances), and so on. As I considered these things, I likewise felt my heart pull toward family, church, friends, and the doctors that I have such good relationships with and whom I have come to depend upon for my physical well-being. All these things are Bellingham and home to me. And so I realized that no matter what I chose, my ship of safety was rocked. Nothing about this was going to be easy.
So here it is: I'm moving to Seattle. I'm keeping my job. And while there is still some lingering sadness over what I'll be giving up by moving, there is also excitement beginning to bubble up about those things I cannot yet see waiting for me beyond this bend.
winding tracks photo by kirsten.michelle