17 September 2009

so much to say

the road ahead
The Road Ahead
Canon 40D

If I'm not writing here much lately (which I know I'm not), it's not because nothing is happening. Quite the reverse is true. Much is happening. Things are moving and changing -- in relationships, in my marriage, with my photography. I am, in many ways, being renewed and restored to myself -- understanding myself better as I continually enter into deeper relationship with Yahweh. I am elated, I am exhausted, I am confused, and I cry a lot.

I am so alive.

There is so much to say, so much that if I were to start now, I might not be able to stop. Honestly, I have enough thoughts that they are cramming my brain and begging to get out. It almost hurts. I hope that someday soon, I will have the space and energy to sit down and process and share. This has always been a good space to do it and so often, it is in the writing and the sharing of these things that I find at least some of what I seek. I honestly don't know that I've arrived at many conclusions or definites (maybe one or two), but the journey of asking the questions and holding them up to the light is teaching me much about who I am, what I'm here for, and who God is.

And I am captivated by what I see. Even in the absence of answers, I can see the refraction of light in the various facets of the questions I hold, and I can know: Yes, this is good.


  1. We understand. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and think, where do I start? so I end up putting it aside. And sometimes it's good to forget writing about everything and throwing up your hands and living without the same level of reflection (or written reflection).

  2. Amen to this: "Even in the absence of answers, I can see the refraction of light in the various facets of the questions I hold."

  3. my friend suz at made for joy told me about your site months ago, as i too am a biola grad. i was consumed with my work at that time to even really take a look. but this fall, thanks to my gracious husband, i've been given some time and found my way here. in many ways i feel a sense of connection to your words - especially this post. last november i couldn't believe that it was me at the front of the church making vows to a tender man who loved me first. and since then i have been so full, but few of the words have made it to paper yet.

    on a small world note- i don't think we ever met at biola, but i did know james a bit. congrats to you both on stepping into the country of marriage.