the funk

I fell asleep in the car last night at about 6:00 or so. We were driving home from my second chiropractic appointment of the week (this afternoon will be my third) and suddenly, I was no longer able to keep my eyes open. I was barely conscious of my mouth hanging open slightly, and my head bobbing from side to side as James drove us home.

I'm exhausted.

119/365: no comment
20 january 2010
taken with camera phone

In addition to having some neck and back trouble this week (back trouble and I go waaaay back), I ran out of Vitamin D on Sunday and didn't replace it until yesterday. My typical dosage in the fall and winter months is about 2,000% the recommended daily value because I really don't get any from food. And it's winter. And it's the Pacific Northwest, which is typically (and sadly) deficient in sun this time of year. And I can't have dairy, which is typically fortified with Vitamin D. And the last time my daily intake of said vitamin was just 1,000% of the recommended daily value, my blood tests still showed I was borderline deficient.

[NOTE: It'd be a lot of reading (and it might be a good cure for insomnia) but if you're not already familiar with the backstory as it pertains to my health, these might be a helpful series of posts.]

So imagine me not taking it for three days, this vitamin that is essential for overall cellular health, that is essential for the absorption of calcium, and so many other important things. Back and neck constantly hurting. Feeling really sleep-deprived.

Sluggish. Moody. Cranky. Tired. Clumsy. In one colossal funk.

Between my back, the lack of Vitamin D, and still reeling from all that has happened in Haiti, I have felt less than myself. My sleep has been fitful and my dreams full of human violence and earthquakes. It is in my physiology, in my emotions, and in my mind. I need restful sleep, I need nutrition, and most of all, I need to continue to talk to God about all that is transpired over the last week or two. I feel so helpless over all these things.

And perhaps this conclusion seems too simple, perhaps at first blush it appears to be trite: He is not helpless over these things. HE IS NOT HELPLESS. It is true, and I need help remembering it sometimes.

I've learned that avoiding prayer is no solution. Maybe I don't even know what to ask for and maybe I will continue to struggle with physical pain and fatigue and overwhelming emotional reactions to the groans of the creation. But I know I need to talk to Him, to remember that He sees it all and grieves with us, to remember that this type of suffering was not in His perfect design for us, and to remember that one day, He will heal and restore and wipe away every tear.

That is helping me in this colossal, oh-so-terribly human funk I'm in. He is here. And He hears.

So what about you? Are there any passages of Scripture or particular prayers you recite when you are "in a funk" or feeling helpless? What do you most need to remember when you feel this way?