28 May 2010

prayers for baby ewan

If you can't tell by the splashes of blue here now, James and I learned least week that we're having a baby boy. We were delighted to see the pictures of him dancing, waving, kicking, and moving all over the ultrasound. The technician had a hard time getting pictures at times, he was moving so much!!

We already had a name picked out: Ewan Eliezer. Our child has a name. Ewan is the Scottish/Gaelic form of "John" (for the apostle, our favorite personage of the New Testament, Christ excepted), and Eliezer is after Abraham's servant (mentioned by name in Genesis 15, and doing selfless and amazing things for his master Abraham in Genesis 24).

mr. adorable is baking

But there was also some less delightful news.

There may be something wrong with little Ewan's heart. The diagnosis is not definite at this point, so we've been scheduled for some additional testing, intended to give the doctors a clearer picture of what might be going on. It's entirely possible that everything is okay (Ewan's daddy's heart is unlike the hearts doctors are used to seeing) and that they just couldn't see well enough, or it is possible that there may be an actual defect. With this, we've also been introduced to the possibility of a chromosomal abnormality, such as Down's syndrome or something similar.

As you might imagine, the past week hasn't been easy. The tears I've cried and the grief I've expressed has come from places deeper than I knew existed, and hurt more than I knew was possible. The news stunned us; this was not what we were expecting with our ultrasound, nor (obviously) was it what we were hoping to hear. We didn't sleep well or at all in the first days after the news, and when I did, I had horrific and violent dreams. Over the course of the past week or so I've felt saddened, angry, guilty, disconnected, and completely robbed of my joy.

Though we are both in a better place now, the coming days and weeks will determine much in terms of the course of our care and where we deliver. Even before I was pregnant, I had my heart set on receiving my prenatal care exclusively from midwives and delivering in a birth center or at home. We love our midwives, and couldn't be happier about the care we've received. But if little Ewan needs to be born where the best medical care is immediately available to him, our plans will have to change. Much will have to change.

All this remains to be seen. Please be praying for the three of us -- though we are certainly hoping and praying for a whole and properly-functioning heart, any other diagnosis will not cause us to love or cherish Ewan any less. This next test is coming up this coming Tuesday (June 1) at 3 pm (Pacific Time).

Thank you for holding us up. The prayers of the saints are really what have held us up and kept us sane during the past week, and what will hold us up in the days and weeks to come.


  1. peace, peace, peace to you and james. you are wise old souls, and little ewan will be so fortunate to have so much love and tender care. praying for you for your baby and the coming tests. you've been on my mind an awful lot.

  2. I just said a prayer for you, James, and Ewan, for the decisions you will be making, for health, and, most of all, for Christ's peace, which transcends all understanding.

    No matter what the tests say, God treasures all three of you.

    Thanks for keeping us posted.

  3. I'm so sorry for your difficult weeks, and for news that was not what any of us would hope for. I will put your upcoming appointment on my calendar so we can be praying. I have known many people, as I'm sure you have too, who have had funky things like this show up on an ultrasound, only to find later that their wee one is perfectly healthy.

    Praying for supernatural peace for you and James!

  4. in this moment I can write nothing,
    except yes of course I am praying, and will pray.
    you are held and loved.

    love to you,
    sending hugs, for you, your loving husband,
    and beautifully wonderfully made Ewan

    and I was thinking so much of you, isn't the Spirit such a mysterious wonder.

  5. I will be praying for you all. ..May the Lord touch your baby and make him whole and healthy in every way.
    Much love to you.

  6. Praying, praying, praying. Rest to your souls, this day and in those to come.

  7. prayers sent for you, your husband and little man Ewan. what an awesome name!! his life has big plans in store!

  8. Will definitely keep praying for you three!!! :0)

  9. Praying too.

    It's always good to read the words of your heart.

    These words you wrote are so pure and full of love and tenderness for little Ewan and your family.

  10. Thank you all for your continued encouragement and prayer support. It helps so much to know that so many people are walking through this with us. As a first-time mom, I feel overwhelmed by the love so many have already for someone who has yet to take his first breath.

    We love you more than you know.

  11. Joining others here in prayer for you all.

  12. Thank you, danke, grazie.

    much love,

  13. hey sis. as i was reading this i kept thinking to myself how incredibly blessed this kid is to have parents like you. it's so clear how much you love him & how that love comes without conditions. that's the kind of love that teaches me & increases my capacity to love. i'm praying for ewan... for his little precious heart! i'm gonna share this with my community as well so they can join in on the prayer. much love to you & your family.

    peace in your life,


  14. Thanks, Danny.

    Loves and hugs,

  15. oh kirsten, my thoughts are with you... i wish i had more to say. sending a tearful hug your way...

  16. Kirsten, my heart breaks with you all. I know the Lord knew what He was doing when he decided to put precious, beautiful, unique Ewan into your lives. Your very lives and love already is and will continue to be a testimony. My prayers are with you all. With love, Maxine

  17. I am so sorry to hear of your baby's condition! I pray that everything goes well after Ewan's delivery, and that God grants you with the miracle of a healed heart for your boy.