a leap of faith

what in the world is God up to these days?!

i'm so thrilled, i can barely contain it. he has placed people in my life in a very strategic way to be the wind in my sails. he has pushed me forward in a direction that says yes, yes, yes to the calling he's confirmed in me again and again over the past year.

it was about a year ago that i first declared to the blogging world my reawakening to the awareness that i am a writer. in fact, the day that i flew to florida to see christianne was exactly a year from the date i initially made that declaration on this blog. chills, anyone?

i knew our time together was special and important, and i knew [like i stated in our storycorps interview] that we were both on the edge of something big. but i had no idea things would start moving so quickly. there has been more movement in my life where my writing is concerned since my time with christianne than in the past several years combined.

a couple of weeks ago, i published a poem on my other blog that i wrote in college. our friend l. l. barkat suggested i submit it to rock & sling journal and then put another bug in my ear: had i considered attending a writer's conference? the mount hermon christian writer's conference is just a month away, and it's on the west coast.

um, no. not really. not yet. but ...

for someone who has spent the bulk of her life trying on every calling except that of "writer" [lawyer? massage therapist? personal trainer?], i still have a part of me that says really? am i really a writer? do i really belong here? won't i be in over my head? what in the world do i have to say? i kept hearing those ugly voices, voices that i knew weren't those of the God who called me out of hiding, who placed people in my life who have called out my gifts.

so many things are pointing in the direction of yes, go this way. but the voices of doubt creep in quickly on its heels. the voices are loud, sticky ones that aren't easily quieted.

i had plans for my tax refund, but it would be more than enough to cover the cost of the conference and airfare. i had plans for my personal time too [sis & i are planning a trip to ireland & the british isles], but i have plenty to cover what i'd need.

then it hits me: this is about my calling. this is bigger than tax refunds and my accrued personal time. it's about God's calling on my life. it's about the purposes he intends to accomplish through me. it's about making contacts, about learning from those who have walked and are walking this path. it's about trusting him ruthlessly and taking the steps that agree fully with the yesses he's sent my way.

so i've taken that leap: i've registered for the writer's conference. and i've booked a flight.

what. the. heck??

for those of you who are just starting to know me, maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal. but for me this is HUGE: i lead a very comfortable life with a pretty normal job that i happen to like quite a bit: they compensate me well, i've got the best boss in the world, fantastic benefits [401k, health insurance, discounted phone plan], and i genuinely enjoy the people i work with. who could ask for more, right? i like being comfortable [who doesn't?!]. i like feeling financially secure and i definitely count on the regular and steady paychecks my job provides.

but here i am, committing my time in such a way that says: this is who i am. this is who God has called me to be. yes yes yes.

i can't help but think that the events of the past year or two have been leading to this very moment, that my time with christianne and the prayers she prayed on my behalf set in motion this amazing course of events. i'll be with other writers, i'll get to meet laura, i'll be taking another step toward embracing the life God has for me.

this is only possible because there is wind in my sails, a God who jumps up & down, clapping his hands and shouting YES! YES! YES! for me, who dreams dreams for me that are far grander than my own [dreams that are part of his plans and his purposes], and a community who i am confident will be every bit as jubilant, maybe even as over the moon about this as i am.

wow. God is big, God is great. and God is GOOD.

how will i ever get to sleep?