spring is here!!

And that makes me very, very happy!!

photo by kirsten.michelle

11 weeks

Dear Little Bean,

There is no doubt in my mind or in anyone else's that you are moving and shaking and swimming and growing. Mama has felt very, very sick over the last week or so. You should know that no matter how many times I throw up and how much I don't like it, it doesn't make me any less glad that you're here. You're a gift and a miracle, and I never want you to forget it, no matter how tired I am, how much heartburn I have, or how many stretch marks I get.

Before we knew you were coming, we both wondered if we'd be able to have a baby at all. The last few years of my health have been a roller coaster and it got bad enough at times that I was pretty sure that having a baby wouldn't be possible at all. We were open to you, and we waited. And then suddenly, there you were. We know many people who have tried and tried and tried to have a baby, and it just doesn't happen for them. It is one of the saddest things in the world, baby, to want to give life to a little one such as yourself, and not to be able to. So it's really not lost on us, what a great gift this is, and how fortunate we are to be able to have you around at all.

We got to hear your heartbeat last week, and we nearly floated out of the midwife's office with joy. You must have been squirming and swimming and doing flips or something, because you were so hard to find. And then just about when we were ready to give up on finding you this time around, you paused long enough for us to hear that long-anticipated thud-thud-thud-thud; it sounded like someone running on a treadmill. Loren (the midwife) said you sounded strong and healthy. Somehow, we knew you would be. Even so, we do not take that fact for granted.

You should know, Baby, what a good man your daddy is. He's taken such good care of me when I've been feeling too sick and too tired to take care of myself. He makes me breakfast, puts together my lunch at night, and sets aside my prenatal vitamins since the sight and smell of them tend to make me sick. He gets the foods I crave and doesn't cook with the ones that don't sound good to me. He talks to you and tells you how much he loves you. I'm sure by the time you're born, you will know his voice well.

Love to you, sweet one. I hope you liked the granola and yogurt.

and who knew getting older could be so darn fun?

I'm 32 today!! Who knew getting older could be such a party?

Mom and Dad drove down for the day to help James and I celebrate my birthday. I was doing a special 365 for the occasion (complete with party dress, pink fizzy drink in a martini glass, party hats, faux gems, and party blowers) and we thought: Hey ... why couldn't we all get in on the photographic action?

So we did. What a blast!! This one was easy to choose for my 365.

115/365: birthday girl!!
16 january 2010
Canon 40D

Thanks for joining me in this virtual birthday party!!
I wish you all could be here.

photo by kirsten.michelle
copyright 2010

an epic week

Help me, Rhonda.

I do believe my head has detached and is floating somewhere in the thick layer of clouds covering the greater Seattle area.

If you've been reading here this week, you know this has been an epic week for me in regards to photography. Something I've been less explicit about is just how much I've been wishing and praying for some clarity about the role of photography in my life. There have been a lot of tears and prayers and outbursts of frustration over the last several months where this issue is concerned. Do I have any talent, or do I just really like it?

Last week, I explicitly asked for a miracle. All I wanted to know was whether or not I should give up on dreaming about what might be possible for me with photography. Because I have been dreaming. I dream a lot. I needed clarity of some sort.

Let's recap the week, shall we?

On Monday, I learned that I had been featured in Flickr Explore, which features 0.005% of the photos uploaded to Flickr on a given day. This post does a good job of explaining what it is and how they determine which photos are on that list (while not giving away any big secrets).

Woo hoo!! My very first foray into Explore (uploaded December 27)!!
This one topped out at #4

I learned over the course of this week that two more photos had made it into Explore. That makes three photos. In one week.

This one (uploaded December 23) topped out at #230

and ...


This one (uploaded December 29) topped out at #403

This is where you can picture me falling out of a chair and hitting the floor with a very loud thud.

But I'm not done. Not hardly.

This morning I learned I was featured on the portion of Shutter Sisters website known as "The Daily Click" which features submissions they receive from their pool on Flickr.

OH. MY. GOSH.

Click on the photo to go to the Shutter Sisters page

But I'm still not done.

About 10:30 this morning, I got a message on my Facebook page from my friend Betsy. Hey, I think one of your pics is on Pioneer Woman's site. Did you know that?

Um, no. Pioneer Woman?? As in ... Pioneer Woman??

Choke. Gasp. Flutter. I was totally geeking out. Pioneer Woman's site is HUGE.

Thud.

My hands starting shaking. Yep, that's me alright. Those are my ornaments, my socks, and my silver ribbon. For crying out loud, that's my living room floor!!

Click on the photo to go to the Pioneer Woman/Photography page
Click here to see the original photo.

I do believe I got my miracle, times five. I have no idea what will happen with any of this, but I feel like I've received an answer, or sorts. Even if I don't quite know what to do with it.

Now, if you will pardon me, I need to go and find my head. Hopefully it hasn't gotten too far.

* * * * *

UPDATE 12:50 PM: No doubt thanks to the Pioneer Woman feature, my elfish socks photo has also made it to Explore for December 21 uploads. 4 times in one week!!

beautiful-ordinary

Every weekday, I wake up at 4:15 to take my temperature and pop a thyroid pill. Generally, I'll snooze a few minutes and push myself out of bed and lumber toward the bathroom. Flicking on the light, I reach for my toothbrush and nine times out of ten, will lament the frizziness of my hair.

I boil the water for my coffee in the red tea kettle we received as a wedding gift (which, sadly, doesn't whistle), pour it over the grainy, brown, and aromatic grounds of the Pike Place Blend coffee I had especially ground for my French press. After four minutes, I pour the brew into a favorite mug, add a packet of stevia, stir in some vanilla soy creamer and enjoy. My fingers cling to the ceramic curves, soaking in its heat, and I enjoy every life-giving sip.

I go to work, wrap myself in a black fleece blanket that has "Happy Holidays 2002" embroidered on a corner, and sit the cubicle and type words into the computer. To my left are sixteen pictures from my wedding and honeymoon that I had printed with thin black borders, and they make me happy.

After I work, I might grocery shop, picking up several bags of frozen green beans and some fish for dinner. I might select a bottle of wine that generally costs about $6-10 and then head to the gym. I like the cardio theatre for its darkness and how cool it feels. I'll go out and work the weights: squats, lunges, presses, curls. I feel good and accomplished when I'm done.

I drive home in about five minutes, drop off my grocery and gym bags, and my husband greets me: "Hello, sweet one." I kiss him, hug him, hang up my black wool coat, and sit down on the couch. He asks me if I want anything to drink.

After dinner, we sit on the couch together. We might watch a video on YouTube or from our Netflix queue. I'm probably processing pictures I took five days ago. I like to drape my legs and feet across his lap and relax, resting my head on the arm of the couch. We do this until I can't stand to stay awake anymore (generally, about 9:30 pm) and get ready for bed. I savor the moment just after I pull back the sheets and the comforter and I can crawl into bed with my too-cool body, sharing in his warmth.

He kisses me, wraps his arms around me, and then we sleep.

This is our beautiful-ordinary life. There is no glamour, no glitz, no flash. We are far too boring to have our own reality TV show, and that's just the way we like it (no matter, we don't have cable anyway). From the outside, our lives look like a lot of others right now. But this life is ours, and I love it.

Please tell me about your beautiful-ordinary life. What "ordinary" moments of your day are extraordinary and beautiful to you?

photo by kirsten.michelle

overdoing it, perhaps

When getting ready to leave for a Christmas party last night, I suggested to James that I had an accessory that would make me stand out from the crowd and feel extraordinarily special.

What do you think -- is this too much??

photo by kirsten.michelle

this is what happens when you're home sick for two days

You finally break out the PaintShop Pro X2 software that has been sitting on your countertop for over a week, install in on your computer, and start figuring out how to use it. And then you get addicted to it and get almost none of the rest that you need. I've been pouring through my photostream on Flickr and wondering how I could improve upon some of my collection. The photos below are evidence of how little rest I've gotten and how much I'm addicted to this new toy ... I mean, tool.

Let me tell you, the possibilities are endless. Textures, layers, and textures, oh my!!

NOTE: You can click on any of the photos below to go to the Flickr page where they reside and view the full resolution copies if you like.

Gotta go lay myself and my snotty nose down again. Toodles!!

oooh, shiny!!

I don't know what it is about Christmas that makes me so excited about all things glittery and shiny. Perhaps the cold freezes the parts of my brain that normally suppress such ecstatic outbursts in response to the sight of anything glittery and brightly colored. But I have to admit, I became positively giddy when decorating the tree with all manner of vibrantly colored, shiny, glittery ornaments. It's a wonder there was any glitter left on the ornaments that we hung -- I looked as though someone had fired at me repeatedly with a Bedazzler.

Oooh, shiny!! Sparkly, pretty!! Oooh ...

Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.

Sparkles!! Pink sparkles!!

Now one thing I will say about our tree: we have seven hundred and one square feet of living space (and that extra square foot means something). In that space, we have slightly more than one thousand books. And our bed, of course. And all my camera stuff. Which means that there's really not room for an impressive tree. So after books, bed, camera gear, and a few pairs of shoes, we have approximately one and one half square feet for our Christmas tree.

So without further ado, I am pleased to introduce you to our first Christmas tree. We call him Herb. Blogging friends, meet Herb. Herb, meet blogging friends.

Not exactly a shy one, is he?

So tell me, readers: do you have any favorite decorations or decorating traditions in your homes? As one who is interested in building family traditions, I'd love to know. Please share!!

a particular gratitude

Held & Loved
Canon 40D
November 2009

One year ago at this time, I had no idea that I would be as loved as I am today, or that I would know it for sure. If you had told me at last year's Thanksgiving table that by the same time next year, I would be married, I would have laughed (perhaps spewing cranberry juice in your face in the process) and asked you please to pass the green beans.

I've said it many times before, but it bears repeating: when James came into my life again just over a year ago, I had believed for some time that I was meant to live as a single person. I do not know whether this belief was the product of revelation, a personal response to my circumstances, acceptance of my state in life, or some melange of that list. Frankly, I'm not sure that it matters. I do know that it was a decision to guard my heart in a way that perhaps, I always should have been guarding it. I had been too open. I had committed many sins, many had been committed against me, and my heart bore the hurt and the memory of those things.

A celibate life was something I accepted both with resignation and enthusiasm, that I celebrated and mourned. I counted the loss this entailed, but I could also count the possibilities that might arise from such a choice.

But God ...
(My favorite stories begin with those two words)

But God had other plans. And if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know what those other plans entailed. I still look at him in wonder. I see him and shake my head as though trying to shake off sleep; like waking from a dream, I'm surprised to see that all of this has not been the product of an overly fanciful imagination. I see him and know: this is not of my own doing. And I'm thankful. Grateful. Exceedingly so.

Married just over six months now, I still lose myself in wonder over it: that God could part the curtains of chaos in our universe and see me so particularly, to see me and to know what I needed for my holiness and my happiness, to see us and to know that we needed each other for those things. To see us and situate us such that His purpose and His plan were alarmingly clear, to compel us in a way that we could not deny, but at the same time, in no way limited the freedom He gives.

And it has been clear from the beginning: This is not my doing. This is not anything I've earned. This was given, gifted to us, but is not for us alone.

I am not in any way trying to quantify my gratitude. I would not say that I love and appreciate my spouse more than any wife has ever loved or appreciated her husband. I would not dare say it, because I know those cannot be quantified. An attempt to apply any form of measurement to love would be to minimize it. I am finding to be true what I've been told a hundred times by those with marriages I respect: you love much, the most you ever have, and yet it grows. And grows, and grows, and grows. You get the idea.

There are many things to be thankful for this season, but this one arises as prominent in my mind. As we go tomorrow as husband and wife to the place where I celebrated Thanksgiving last year (the same place at which we were married), I offer this particular gratitude for what has been given, for what continues to be given, and for what will be given. For the hand I hold, for the arms that embrace me, for the lips that kiss me, for the body that warms me when I am cold, for love received and given ... I am infinitely thankful and growing up into thankfulness.

It is more than my hands or my heart can hold.

studio work

Yesterday, the friendliest of UPS men brought a long-anticipated and very large package to my door. Yes, friends -- it is the studio equipment I ordered last week (which, by the way, was a mad screaming deal on eBay). In spite of my excitement that it had finally arrived, I was game for a nap after a long day at work. But when James started opening the box and removing plastic wrappers, I became positively giddy and couldn't resist getting in on the action.

Part of the reason I ordered it (aside from the sheer mad screaming-dealness of it all) was the work I'll be doing with Help Portrait on December 12 with other (mostly amateur) photographers in the greater Seattle area. But also because it's no secret I want to turn my love for shutter and lens and all those things they capture into a way to generate some income. This purchase seemed like a logical step.

And did I mention the mad screaming deal I got? Before you roll your eyes (again) at me making a big deal of this, let me just say that just for kicks and giggles, we searched the web for comparable kits from other sites. Um yeah ... we could have paid $600 more for the same stuff. We're talking umbrellas, lightbulbs, stands, backdrops, backdrop frame, and so on. And it's not as if what came out of the box yesterday was some low-grade equipment made out of cardboard and paperclips. It's good, sturdy, solid stuff.

Anyhoo ...

You know I couldn't resist playing, don't you? You knew that once that backdrop was up, I couldn't resist hamming it up. Hopefully the evidence does not disappoint your suspicions.

Yeah, this is going to be fun!! And you must also know there's more where that came from. (wink, wink)

And in other oh-my-gosh-this-girl-is-obsessed-with-photography related news, I recently had my first sale on RedBubble!! I made a profit which will not even suffice to buy me a double-tall soy latte at Starbucks, but it's a start. Someone spent their hard-earned cash on pictures I took and that's validating for someone who longs to make a career out of making art. James says this sale makes me a professional (and I'm thinking, yeah, a professional who can't even buy a latte), but it is something, isn't it?

next time you go to the park, be sure to bring bread for the ducks.

Because they will let you know in no uncertain terms exactly what they think of you if you don't.

Ducks @ Lake Washington Arboretum
Capitol Hill (Seattle, WA)
21 Nov 2009
Canon 40D

photo by kirsten.michelle

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

View from Cougar Mountain
Canon 40D
Issaquah, WA
September 2009

Looking down that hill/mountain there ... see those buildings? This is where we live ... kinda behind those trees in the lower right-hand corner. Ish.

Yep.

Anyone wanna come over?

dorkin' out

Once upon a time, I was a very, very serious person. I was serious about academics, about reading and writing, about music ... in short: everything. As the following photographs are about to prove, those days are gone. I don't mean to say that I avoid intellectual or spiritual discussion, because I frequently do engage with others in this way. And I don't mean to say that there aren't things about which I am intellectually or emotionally passionate. Because I am.

What I mean is that now, I'm not afraid to get my silly on. You might say I'm serious about getting silly, which would mean perhaps, that there hasn't been any change in seriousness after all. It's an interesting philosophical question which I will take precisely zero minutes of my (or your) time to analyze.

In any case, there was ample opportunity for this (upping the silly factor) on our recent road trip to central California. And I wasn't alone. In fact, I was in excellent company.

Please enjoy this, my ode to dorkin' out ...

Rick
(in honor of Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, appropriately enough)

Stacy

And not to be outdone (you know I'm saving the best for last, right?),
James

This one needs a caption, but for the life of me,
I can't stop laughing long enough to come up with one.

(Because laughter is necessary to life)

goodbye, summer

It's been a good one.

Barefoot #1 and Barefoot #2
Canon 40D

{Central California Photos}

photos by kirsten.michelle
*Photos also available on RedBubble

where we've been

James with my Canon 40D
Taken on the coast near Carmel, CA with my Blackberry

At about 2:15 this morning, James and I rolled in to Issaquah after a long weekend trip to the Central Valley area of California. Successive hours in the truck allowed us to connect with each other deeply. We were able to enjoy time with dear friends, connecting with them on a heart level that is only possible in person. God blessed us in ways we could not have planned or foreseen.

We left them with the best kind of sadness, the kind that makes you want to stay until the last possible second (hence the 2:15 a.m. arrival time).

We will be in the process of recovering for a few days, catching up on sleep (I got two hours last night before needing to come into work today), doing laundry, and going through the seven hundred or so pictures we took. There is much that my heart is pondering and treasuring from this trip that I hope to share with you when time and sanity and the headspace/heartspace will allow.

Until then ... I wish you well and I wish you peace.

just because ...

... and because some of these are just too flippin' cute for words, I have to share some of the photos that we just got back from our engagement session with Jen Fox. Whether or not it's true, I prefer to believe that these photos are special due to equal parts our cuteness and photographic genius and skill on Jen's part. But it's probably more due to the latter.

((Even so, I can't help but feel a little narcissistic posting these, especially given how many are there)).

But I'm going to do it anyway. These are just fun and I don't know about you, but I could use a bit of a mood-lifter.

If you can possibly stand to look at anymore of us, you can check out the whole set here. Wishing you peace and a smile or two today ...

-k

the many faces of james*

Sometimes, I can be caught totally off guard by a James-ian display of the wholly unexpected.

I was minding my own business the other day, transferring pictures from my camera to the computer and found these. I laughed. I cried. I may have snorted.

Life with James is many things ... boring is not one of them!!