in which she shares random thoughts on her first pregnancy

Today is the six week mark. I'm walking through experiences millions of women have experienced over the course of thousands of years. I know I have nothing new to add to the conversation, but now it is personal and so of course, I have some thoughts which may amount to a sum total of little to no value. If you're curious, feel free to read on.

Random Thought #1
I thought I got a lot of unsolicited advice when I was getting married. The volume of advice I've received over the past two weeks leaves my piddly little pile of wedding advice in the dust.

Random Thought #2
Though unsolicited, most of this advice is useful and welcome. I don't have a clue what I'm doing.

Random Thought #3
I had no idea I would see certain physical changes so rapidly. I don't need stretchy pants yet, but I will almost certainly need a new bra soon.

Random Thought #4
Hello, information overload. There are approximately one gazillion books out there on pregnancy and birthing. Though I haven't seen even a small percentage of them, I'm also convinced that there are approximately 4.5 gazillion websites on the same topic, with the added bonus of member forums. This is interesting (as in, never heard of that before!), aggravating (as in, those symptoms could be soooo many other things), and sometimes entertaining (as in, no comment).

Random Thought #5
I never in a million years would have thought it was possible to find coffee and/or wine repulsive. Before I became pregnant, I was actually worried about giving them up and how difficult it would be. But it's true: those things sound gross to me and it makes my neurons fry a little to see it written out in black and white. Just the thought of either kind of activates my gag reflex a little. Eww.

Random Thought #6
Morning sickness is a good sign, apparently. Today I read: "Studies show that women with morning sickness are less likely to miscarry or deliver prematurely." I will try and remember that the next several mornings as I direct all the powers of my will toward making sure my breakfast does not make a northward journey.

Random Thought #7
I never thought it was possible to sleep this much. I've never been much of a napper, and I've never been able to sleep in the car ... until now, at least. Case in point, last Friday. We drove to Bellingham to visit my family for the weekend. I slept (I mean, I really slept) in the car for an hour on the way. After we got there, I had another half hour nap. After dinner, another two hours. And then ten hours of sleep that night. Holy moly, I am a world-champion sleeper!!

Random Thought #8
This one, a bit more serious. It's hard not to think about abortion at this point and all the little ones who don't see the light of day. I don't want to get political and the purpose is not to incite debate. I certainly do not judge anyone in this regard. But I do have some rather personal thoughts on the matter and since it's my blog, I am going to share them.

This is what I know: Little Bean (at just 6 weeks) has a beating heart and though miniature, an entirely functional circulatory system. S/he has a brain and nervous system and this week, is sensible enough to be able to respond to stimuli. S/he has unique DNA. In other words, the wee embryo that some might refer to as a blob of tissue has a heart, a brain, a nervous system. These things aren't mine, that much is clear to me (believe me, I'm not any smarter even though I have another brain inside me). I am a steward and a host to this wee soul, to this growing, developing, and entirely vulnerable little body. And I want to be a good one.

I love you, Little Bean.

first comes love, then comes marriage, then ...

... comes a positive pregnancy test.

130/365: positive pregnancy test
31 january 2010
canon 40d

Answers to the most popular questions thus far:
1. Our little bean is due to arrive on the scene about October 5 or so.
2. We do intend to find out the gender ahead of time. James is squarely on Team Pink and has requested that his little girl have curly hair.
3. I'm feeling OK and have the typical symptoms for 5 weeks into the game: very tired, light-headed, headache-y, and occasionally feeling like I got socked in the gut. I'm hungry all the time and always ready for a nap!!


I know there are some schools of thought that say you should wait until you've passed through the first trimester or hear the heartbeat to announce it to the world, but our thinking runs along these lines: this is a person, with a soul, unique and loved by God. Regardless of what happens at this point, someone is alive and present who was not just a few weeks ago. And so we believe this little one will be well served by people who will likewise love and pray for him/her. So if you think of it, we would be humbled and honored by your prayers for this little person that we love so much already.

Blessings to you!!! And ... WAHOO!!

beautiful-ordinary

Every weekday, I wake up at 4:15 to take my temperature and pop a thyroid pill. Generally, I'll snooze a few minutes and push myself out of bed and lumber toward the bathroom. Flicking on the light, I reach for my toothbrush and nine times out of ten, will lament the frizziness of my hair.

I boil the water for my coffee in the red tea kettle we received as a wedding gift (which, sadly, doesn't whistle), pour it over the grainy, brown, and aromatic grounds of the Pike Place Blend coffee I had especially ground for my French press. After four minutes, I pour the brew into a favorite mug, add a packet of stevia, stir in some vanilla soy creamer and enjoy. My fingers cling to the ceramic curves, soaking in its heat, and I enjoy every life-giving sip.

I go to work, wrap myself in a black fleece blanket that has "Happy Holidays 2002" embroidered on a corner, and sit the cubicle and type words into the computer. To my left are sixteen pictures from my wedding and honeymoon that I had printed with thin black borders, and they make me happy.

After I work, I might grocery shop, picking up several bags of frozen green beans and some fish for dinner. I might select a bottle of wine that generally costs about $6-10 and then head to the gym. I like the cardio theatre for its darkness and how cool it feels. I'll go out and work the weights: squats, lunges, presses, curls. I feel good and accomplished when I'm done.

I drive home in about five minutes, drop off my grocery and gym bags, and my husband greets me: "Hello, sweet one." I kiss him, hug him, hang up my black wool coat, and sit down on the couch. He asks me if I want anything to drink.

After dinner, we sit on the couch together. We might watch a video on YouTube or from our Netflix queue. I'm probably processing pictures I took five days ago. I like to drape my legs and feet across his lap and relax, resting my head on the arm of the couch. We do this until I can't stand to stay awake anymore (generally, about 9:30 pm) and get ready for bed. I savor the moment just after I pull back the sheets and the comforter and I can crawl into bed with my too-cool body, sharing in his warmth.

He kisses me, wraps his arms around me, and then we sleep.

This is our beautiful-ordinary life. There is no glamour, no glitz, no flash. We are far too boring to have our own reality TV show, and that's just the way we like it (no matter, we don't have cable anyway). From the outside, our lives look like a lot of others right now. But this life is ours, and I love it.

Please tell me about your beautiful-ordinary life. What "ordinary" moments of your day are extraordinary and beautiful to you?

photo by kirsten.michelle