mount baker
6. Boulevard Park. This is one of my places to read, to enjoy a latte at The Woods, to walk, to talk to God, and to be. This is where, in the summer, I'll take a blanket and place it in on the grass near the water's edge and listen to the ocean waves lap against the rocks just feet from where I sit. This is where God and I have had some tearful conversations and where, more than any other place I know, I feel the space to breathe when I feel most hemmed in.
7. Views of Mount Baker. Though I know that God is not localized to any particular place, I've often thought of this mountain as the place where God lives. I can't see this without thinking of Him. On a clear day, I can see this mountain in my rearview mirror as I drive to work. Whenever I go there, I'm reminded of His grandeur and majesty. When I'm here, I find it impossible that people don't believe that there's a God and that He's so, so good. I'm awe-inspired, I'm humbled, and I'm thankful. When I can see the mountain, my heart is calmed.
8. My book club. Ana, Jessica, Marie, Beth, and I have been book-clubbing it together for a little over three years now. We're an odd mish-mash of people and though all incredibly different, we all just worked well together. We rarely agreed on what we read together, but I'm going to miss our monthly meetings: their presence, kindness, intelligence, and conversation.
9. My naturopath. A person who utilizes physicians as much as I do has come across her fair share of the ones who just don't care and has learned to hang on to the good ones. Dr. W is one of those people for whom I will gladly make the 100-mile drive to Bellingham. While I'm certain the Seattle area is chock full of fantastic naturopaths (due in large part to the presence of Bastyr University, I think), I have a good relationship with this one. He listens, he makes me laugh, and he knows my story. His partnership has been invaluable to my overall well-being and I can't imagine another like him.
10. My chiropractor. Dr. M has been my chiropractor for over eight years. After seeing him at least every other week for this period of time, he is another who knows my story, considers my health holistically, and (as I often joke with him) doubles as a good psychotherapist. He laughs even at my dumbest jokes and has such a tender heart. I appreciate so much how much care he displays for every person who walks through his door.
The closer I get to changing zip codes, the more I think of things I'm going to miss about living in this community. A hundred miles really isn't too far, but it does necessitate that will life will change a bit, so I'm taking stock of what those things are that I'm going to miss the most. Now lemme grab a tissue and we'll get started ...
1. My sis. I'm really going to miss living with my sister and getting to see her every day. Few people know me as well and manage not only to tolerate me, but actually to love me. I'm going to miss sharing dinners, tasting her amazing gluten-free confections when they're fresh from the oven, and just getting to hang out together. I'm going to miss how she'll do the dishes even when it's not her turn, but she just does it because she can tell I'm just too tired to stand. I just don't know what I'm going to do with the other half of my brain. Time to move on now, I'm about to cry ...
2. My commute. I'm really going to miss the 4-minute commute. Yep, it really takes me just four minutes to get to work in the morning. My new commute will be reasonable (15-20 minutes), but nothing like the one I've got now.
3. I heart the Co-op. I'm going to miss the Food Co-op. These are my peeps! This place really is so much more than a place to buy all my gluten-free, dairy-free, and organic groceries. This place really is a hub of the community and employs some of the best, funniest, and most compassionate people I know in this town. And I have it on good authority that they are going to miss me, too.
4. CTK Bellingham. Don't even get me started on my church (to which I also enjoy a short commute, as it is directly across the street from where I work). I cannot even contemplate leaving this place without tears beginning to flow. I don't doubt that there are fantastic churches in the greater Seattle area that I would love, but this church really is my family and you just don't go out and get a new family. I love them too much and the thought of not being there ... okay, let's just not go there. I'll be commuting. It's worth it.
5. Easy access to Mom. My mom works at a small local family-owned business that is as laid back as you'll find (this is Bellingham, after all). I'll swing by after work and walk myself right behind the counter. It's great to say hello, to chat about whatever is going on, or to get the kind of hugs that only a Mom can give. I'm really going to miss that.
As a personal rule, I don't talk about my work in this space. But now, it's not just work. It is personal, and I can't discuss this without talking a bit about my job.
I learned a little over two weeks ago that my department is being relocated to our office in the greater Seattle area. You can check it on a map; it's not terribly far from where I live now -- roughly 100 miles. But it is away, nonetheless.
I was alternately frozen and shaking as they delivered the news and we were presented with a variety of options. This can't be happening. Within the first few days of hearing the news, I experienced an array of different emotions: anger, betrayal, excitement, hope, sadness, elation. One moment I was hopeful and ready to explore my options, and the next I was a puddle of tears. We learned in the change management workshop following the announcement that it was normal to zig-zag all over the emotional map. And so I gave a chance for the shock to wear off and just two days ago, made my decision official.
When friends and family initially heard the news, there were a variety of opinions expressed and solutions offered. Take the severance. Just get a new job. Time to start something new anyway. And I quickly understood that I didn't care to hear any of them -- this was my life and my decision -- one I had to make on my own.
This is not just a job for me; it's about the relationships I've developed over the past several years of working with some of the most highly-tenured and highly-skilled people in the company. I had to consider those relationships, the state of our economy, my benefits package, the job market in my current town (difficult even in healthy economic circumstances), and so on. As I considered these things, I likewise felt my heart pull toward family, church, friends, and the doctors that I have such good relationships with and whom I have come to depend upon for my physical well-being. All these things are Bellingham and home to me. And so I realized that no matter what I chose, my ship of safety was rocked. Nothing about this was going to be easy.
So here it is: I'm moving to Seattle. I'm keeping my job. And while there is still some lingering sadness over what I'll be giving up by moving, there is also excitement beginning to bubble up about those things I cannot yet see waiting for me beyond this bend.
winding tracks photo by kirsten.michelle
The Last Lecture is part graduation speech and part passing on life wisdom as a father would to his children. It's long -- just over 76 minutes -- but I think that anyone might find some truth to challenge and inspire no matter what unfulfilled childhood dreams and aspirations still hide in the deepest parts of you.
But that's just my opinion; you can decide for yourself.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
P.S. Di was wonderful enough to point me to an abbreviated version of the video here (about 10 minutes). Thanks, Di!!
{P.S. I hope the people in white coats will be nice to me.}
